A New Year with No To-Do List
As we get ready to say goodbye to 2021 and look to the beginning of year three dealing with a novel virus, which is, by now, not at all novel to us, I am rethinking how I usually plan for a New Year. The former life coach in me is usually all about setting goals, making plans, looking to what I can improve and accomplish. This year, not so much. Perhaps this year, more than ever it’s about letting ourselves off the hook, being kinder to everyone, including ourselves.
When I came of age with the relatively new world of life coaching, self-improvement and all that entails, it was a very different time. It was all about vision boards, goals complete with action steps, and setting clear intentions for what you wanted to achieve and how you were going to get there. What we’ve all seen in these last couple of years is that we can make the most elaborate plans in the world, and that can all change in a moment. This was always true of course, none of us has a lock on the future, but now more than ever, it seems all our plans can be dashed in a split second.
When I think back to February of 2020, I had just dropped off fresh copies of a new play I had written at I theater I love and admire. I was full of hope that perhaps it might be chosen for production for their next season, and was nervously awaiting word once it was read. That never happened, because mere weeks later the world as we knew it came to a complete standstill. And now it seems we are living in a constant state of limbo, our plans dependent on varients, spread, and numbers. Who knows what the next season of theater will look like. Outside? Inside? Not happening at all?
It was this realization that got me thinking: perhaps it’s time to retire plans, to set aside big goals, and settle into…being. Being present, being kind, and being okay with not knowing. For a control freak with OCD, that’s not easy.
So what I’m working on is a non-list, a non-goal, and no have-tos year. To be clear, I’m not talking about a year of debauchery and not giving a damn about anything. What I am talking about is giving yourself a break.
For far too long I’ve begun every year focused on what’s broken about me and how I need to fix it. I’ve felt I was too fat, wasn’t working out enough, not ambitious enough, and not living my best life. But now I’m not so sure having endless tasks I’m checking off and metrics I need to meet are making me any happier. And I’m thinking I am not alone.
What if instead of viewing ourselves as broken, we decided that we’re already okay? Of course, there are always improvements we can make, tweaks and adjustments, I wonder, what would that set of goals look like? The goals of someone who already feels whole will probably be different than those of someone who thinks they’re broken.
As I write this that virus, (whose name I don’t feel like typing for the one-thousandth time) is running rampant once again, so many of us who can have taken to hunkering down again. As I nervously glance toward a New Year I am going to attempt to do this differently.
Yes, I’m going to keep doing yoga, using Headspace, and drinking a good amount of water. But I’m also going to make a different kind of list than I’ve done in the past. It’s going to include some things I’ve never put on a list before. My list this year so far consists of 5 things:
1. Have fun
2. Be kind to myself
3. Let myself off the hook
4. Say the kind things I think about others out loud
5. Make time to be creative
So maybe in 2022 we can take a bit of a break, stop the “death march to happiness” as my brother calls it. How about we collectively decide to be kinder to everyone, which is much easier when we’re being kinder to ourselves. After all we’ve gone through since 2020, I think we’ve earned it.
